nillamilkshake

This is what love looks like.

I was sitting on the bleachers in my high school gym, listening to some quasi-comedian educator they'd hired in for some assembly program, and he was going on and on about his high school years. Then he said something in closing that I'll always think back on:

"Remember these days, kids. They're the best days of your lives."

I vividly remember sitting there and thinking "Oh God, please don't let that be true."

The best days of my life? High school? Are you nuts??? Oh, it wasn't all bad, mind you. I wasn't popular, I wasn't ever homecoming or prom queen or any of that. I had my niche of speech/drama/choir friends and I was known among them but heads certainly didn't turn when I passed and no one outside those groups noticed me much. I wasn't terribly sure of myself then, (Okay, I was pathetically self-conscious) and it took years before I was anybody I liked. Even then I knew that the best years of my life were yet to come.

I look back now on high school, and then college, and I remember some really good years. College especially - much more so than High School. I suppose that was because I was finally out and on my own and I was studying what I loved and got comfortable with my convictions and my body. To say that those years were all sunshine and roses would be ludicrous, but oh, I think back, and I relive those days and the happiness I had then. Some of those days will definitely be among the best of my life, but that's the beauty of life. It starts over again every day, and I have a chance to have more days like that. And more. And more.

Which brings me to now, a time that most would consider to be (*gasp*) middle age. Yes, I'm on the downhill run, ladies and gentlemen. Gads, if I live to the same age as my mother, I only have 20 years left (please God, let's not keep that as a standard - I have lots to do yet). I have a good half of my life to look back on, and I have to say that as good as a lot of it was, it's not the better half. Not by far.

I'm older now, but with the years came not only wisdom (though wisdom does elude me from time to time), but peace, and the realization that contentment and joy can be sought and found, discovered and experienced and wallowed in. Even if it's only for a moment, it's a moment you'll keep forever and a moment you'll look back on and savor - so go for it! You'll still have to pay bills and your car will still die and your family will experience all its ups and downs, but seizing a moment of joy puts that all in perspective, if you let it.

It's funny how you have to be older to get your eyes off the long-term things and focus on the here and now. Do I still hope to retire somewhere near a beach? You bet. But when I'm sitting on my screen porch with a mug of tea and listening to the birds, I'm not thinking about my 401K. Am I concerned about my family's future? Absolutely. But when I'm chasing fireflies with my kids, the future is here and now and it's bright and glowing and all that it should be.

I spent my teens longing to get out of my tiny little town, to see the world, to experience it all, and experience it big.

I spent my twenties climbing various career ladders, knowing that if I could just make more money, I could get a better house, or a car that ran better, and have nicer things and take extravagent vacations.

I spent my thirties looking for a job that would let me balance my new motherhood with the bills I had to pay, bouncing around a bit and realizing that I was going to have to start trading off career ambitions for more time with my children, my husband, my life.

I'm in my forties now, and still working, but it's not a rat race to me. It's a job and it pays the bills and I like where I work so it works for me. I've learned to get the most out of every spare minute I get. I take vacations that involve tents and campfires, I drive a paid-off, beat-up minivan, and my house isn't new anymore and frequently looks like a bomb of Fisher-Price and Webkinz went off in it. I've had my share of ugly, but lots of happy, too. It helps when you don't sit around and wait for the happy to come to you.

I look back on the last half of my life, and I know I'm in the better half now - the half I can appreciate more.

Came across this video while perusing the YouTube top 100 videos of the year:

A young African boy with a haunting back story starts school in Ireland, and finds out quickly exactly what it means to be the new kid. Winner of Best Narrative Short at the 2008 Tribeca Film Festival and nominated for an Oscar.




Wow. Just....wow.